Moments

I just got back with having an amazing dinner at one of Mike's 1st cousins restaurant in St. Louis called the Farm Haus. The food was amazing, both presentation and flavor. Anyone that knows me knows I am very picky about my food. For those of you who don't I am a foodie. If your ever in St. Louis I highly suggest you get there. they have 2 seatings 5:30 and 8:15. It is located off Ivanhoe in a neighborhood. there was 15 of us and we had a great time. Then we went to Lafyette square. What a cool place to go. I actually will be there with Darren and Lynn Pang tomorrow night. It is very hard to say goodbye to everyone, but I have too. I forget I have to go back for treatment. also I have to do a lot of paperwork. night Mike I had great time with your family. I love you honey.

Moments

I haven't got out of bed yet. Don't really want to. I have a ton of things to take care off. Don't really care. My kids are back in Phoenix and I go back soon. Not really looking forward to going back. Maybe because it means going on with a new life. ALONE.

MOMENTS

I know I haven't done past and present for awhile, but I will. This morning I had to put Mike to rest. I didn't like it and I found no solace in the procedure. I can only hope that he is in a much better place and for him it has to be great or he is not going to be happy. He deserves happy ever after.

MOMENTS

Last night was the service for Mike in his hometown of Greenville. It was at the Prespterian Church. It was a more formal type setting and quite lovely. After the cermony everyone was invited to the country club to toast the night away. Mike would have been so pleased. I am sure he was watching with a smile on his face and a gleam in his eye. Today we spent time with Todd and Soodi and there kids. A few cousins joined in the day. We went out on the lake and Billy Mike's cousin took us for a boat ride. It was so relaxing and I could remember the times Mike were together out there. I have to bury him tomorrow and I honestly can say I don't want to. That is a finale moment and I don't want it to be finale. It is starting to set in and I hate it with a passion. I want him back. I am trying to move past all of this, but the hurt is getting worse. I find myself just crying without control. What has happened to my life. Were is it going to go. Mike I want you back. I love you so much.

MOMENTS

Last night was one of the most amazing nights I have ever experienced. I can't tell you how amazing the turn out for Mike was. There was at least 300 people celebrating his life. He touched so many people in such a unanimous way. Everyone laughed, and cried for joy for a man who lived his life so rich. If for some reason I didn't see or hug any of you that came I truly apologize. I have never been pulled in so many directions. God bless you Mike, I miss you honey as it is slowly hitting me that you are not here by my side. I want to wrap my arms around you and hold you just one more time. That is a lie and want to hold you a thousand times more. My tears are getting in the way. Say hi to my dad.

MOMENTS

Mike's Memorial is tonight. I woke up at 5 this morning cleaned my closet, did laundry, and made coffee. I am extremely calm and at peace. I hope I can maintain this feeling for the rest of the day. I have thought about saying a few words tonight, but I don't know if I could look into the eyes of so many people that loved Mike and not break down. I will have to think about my decision for awhile. Lets just get through the rest of the day.

MOMENTS

Today I was so busy running around I was to busy to hurt. Now that it is quite and I am getting ready to go to bed I do not look forward to tomorrow. It will be one step closer to saying my finale goodbye. It doesn't feel real to me at all. I feel I am go to wake up and he will be here, but he won't. I have to thank my children Jenni, Alex, Bobby and Jeff for working so hard on making tomorrow special. I also want to personally thank Lynn and Darren Pang for going way and above what any one could ask of another. My heart hurts and I can't make the pain go away. I imagine it never will. I love you Michael were are you now!

MOMENTS

Over 24 hours have gone by since my Mike has left. I have had a few cocktails with friends reminiscing about a guy who had a lot of great stories. Such a unknown man , but who was truly admired by so many. Every man wanted to be him or live the life he led. I always found that fascinating because I didn't feel that his life was so extraordinary, but it was admired. He handled the greatest hockey player in the world, had a wife that adored him, and had children that respected and looked up to him. Who am I to question the man he was and will always be.

MOMENTS

Tonight at 7:27 I lost the best man I can ever imagine. He went peacefully with so many people who loved him around his bed. More than anything, Mike loved me and I loved him. I know he gave me everything he was able to give and more. I told him when I got home tonight I would have a late night swim with him, and that is exactly what we did. I could feel the warmth of him all around me and now I am at peace. He will let me sleep tonight with no worries. The love between us was unbreakable and real. I would like to think he is resting up to play St. Andrews tomorrow with the skill and grace he had when I met him. I will miss him, but I know in my heart he will always be with me.

I can't believe I have not posted since Friday. I am so very tired. Mike has been declining for the past 5 days. He is now in a hospice center. The cancer has taken over his lungs and it is only a matter of time. They are so wonderful here. They are taking care of his every need. I am so proud of the man he is and forever will be. I am with him 24 hours a day now. He has had so many visitors in the past 4 days, it just goes to show one if your a good person the love that is given back to you is triplefold. I am going to try to get some sleep. His brother gets in tonight and mother tomorrow.

MOMENTS

Mike spent the day at the doctors office today . They gave him 5 hours of IV fluid. This would probably be the last time he would see the treatment nurses that after the last 3 years has come to know them and love them so much. It breaks my heart to see him with people he loves knowing it may be the last time he sees them. I am still not giving up though, I have a friend getting me extract from the Graviola Tree. It is a fruit that is growing down in the amazon. Say a prayer it works.

MOMENTS

Today was a doctor's appointment of reality. From here on out it will be a celebration of life and how much we can get out of it. Mike is going to take it easy from here on out. No more fighting. We are going to appreciate what we have and the people around us. I want to thank everyone that has given us strength and love. We are going to enjoy a gourmet dinner now at home gotta love it.

PRESENT

We got home last from Napa and I don't have enough time tonight to tell you how beautiful the people and place is. The rest of the country should take lessons on how to live with perfect harmony. The kindness of everyone we encountered is a lesson in life and humanity. Today was a little taxing on getting Mike in a comfortable place. I will tell you more about the trip when I have time. But I do want to take time to thank the entire staff at the Westin and the city of Napa.

PAST

I never thought I would join a group, but I did it was called Bunco or Drunco. It really doesn't matter. It took place once a month. The girl that got me involved was Sylvie Breirre wife of Danny the hockey player who lived down the street. She was so young with 3 adorable little boys. I was almost 25 years her senior, but she didn't care. I would like to think I taught her a few things about life and she kept me young. The other girls in Bunco were Connie, Michelle M., Cathy, Melinda, Jamie, Susie,Leslie, Maria, Michelle C., Donna,Holly, and a few others that would pop in now and then. I thought that Desperate Housewives was good, but it didn't even compare to what what was going in our neighborhood. Thank God it only took place once a month any more and it would have been very hazardous. I will fill you in on all of them to a certain extent. I love them to much to do any more.

MOMENTS

We are headed for Napa tomorrow and I can't wait . The Jack and Jill foundation is great. That put us in touch with the Westin in Napa and Royce Ann has been bending over backwards to make our stay fantastic. I have a lot of people to thank after this weekend. Thanks to God for giving it to us. We will cherish this time forever. Happy 4Th of July to everyone, may your celebration be huge.

PRESENT

Mike and I will be going to Doctor G. this morning. He has his treatment today and we might get a better understanding on Mike's condition. With Dr.G. we have been shuffling around what is really happening. I am praying that it will just turn it self around. We are still getting ready for our trip on Friday. It may be a little difficult getting there and coming home, but in between it should be special.

PAST

The first two years of Phoenix was fun and exciting. Our lives were flourishing. We had a very large home so our house was like a revolving door with people visiting. We were going to concerts, lots of them. We would invite our friends and family to be in the suite that Wayne provided. We would usually have everyone over to our house before for food and drink. Good times were had by all. Our kids had tons of friends and were always on the go. The only thing we were really adapting to was the summer unbearable heat. We would soon figure that situation out.