PRESENT

Screaming would be an excellent idea right now. How it would be so easy to do. I feel like a big sweat ball moving things from one place to the other. Then on top of everything I have inspectors coming tomorrow for the sale. I hate this whole process it's depressing. I just have to concentrate on moving forward. I have had a lot of offers from friends that want to help and I appreciate all the offers. Unfortunately the shit I am doing now is more purging and who knows what to purge but me.

PRESENT

I have just a few moments before I have to run. I feel like that is all I have been doing for the last month. I am trying so desperately to pack up my house for the move in July, but sometimes I feel like I am drowning in what to take and what to leave behind. So many memories it is a toggle war. I know I will get there, but the journey is not fun. How can I possibly turn this around. Mike is everywhere and I hate the leave behind. I know it is time to move on. The day I am suppose to be gone is the day he died July 16th. Maybe I will stay until the 17th so I can swim one last time with him in my thoughts. Must run still have tons to do.

Present

I know I don't keep up with my blog, but the truth is I have been so busy. Right now I have a moment because I'm having treatment. I noticed that the 2 sons are back in with there mother. I love seeing the support they give her. That kind of love and support usually adds years to your life. I am still dealing with the house and the banks, but it seems to be getting easier. Maybe because I just didn't care anymore. I have everyone looking for a house for me in St. Louis. Haven't come up with anything yet but have my fingers crossed. I think this year is going to be a good year of love and joy. I hope for all of you too.

PRESENT

Went to LA last weekend to work a wedding. It was good for me to get away from the house and everything it represents. Starting to pack up and move forward. Still haven't found a house in St. Louis still looking. I will figure it out I'm not going to stress out about it. I have my doctors appointment on Monday so I want to make sure my stress level is down. When I was in LA my mom broke her wrist. I was so happy that that is all she hurt. She will be 90 soon and I want her in all one piece. Greg and I took her to the Old Getty Museum. It is so beautiful there. I could sit there all day so calming.

PRESENT

My time is running out in this house that Mike and I built together. It is sad to look around and know that it won't be ours anymore. It is time for me to move on and that is OK. I would like to say that it is getting easier, but I guess I would be lying to myself. When I was on the cruise a gentlemen approached me and as much as I was flattered all I really wanted was for it to be Mike. The gentlemen didn't stand a chance. It hurts still to even think of Mike I loved him so much. I wish I knew how to move on. I will keep putting one foot on the floor every morning and push threw. My memories will stay strong as I move forward. I wish I could take the rose garden he and Bobby worked so hard planting for me as a surprise. The roses are so beautiful now.

PRESENT

I am home now and what a lot to come back to. I have been working on the sale of my house all day. I have been unpacking to clean and pack again. I have to coordinate a wedding over in LA. Then I need to get back in time to load up the house stuff for St. Louis wow! Everything happens so fast. I have to say the last 7 days with my children and brother were the best. There was so much to do and everyone had a great time. There really is nothing better than spending it with family. There were times I would go out on deck and look out into the ocean. There was when I would have my moment with Mike and almost feel his arms around me. He would tell me everything was alright and he couldn't be happier. I am starting to believe him. My children are the best. I would give them the world and everything in it all wrapped up in a gold ribbon.

We just left our ship the Allure of the Sea just a half an hour ago. It was a great. We had a terrific time with out any fights. Seven nights with the family is good to say. Greg and Bobby both celebrated thier birthdays on the ship. Not a bad way to do that. We have a long time to wait before our flight home. This might get a little boring. We all have computers so it shouldn't be to bad. We can't check our bags until four hours before flight. On the trip we all hung out together wether on the ship. On the beach or snorkeling. We had a lot of fun. Now home to finish up sale of house. I have to head to LA and coordinate a wedding on the 12th. Have to unpack to pack.