PRESENT What is it called when your not able to celebrate about the news you recieved, but I guess you should be happy. That happy part just won't come out of me. I got the results back on the Pet Scan the cancer hasn't grown, but in the same breath it hasn't gotten any smaller. I have got to learn that I'm living with the black hole inside me. I think it's time I go back to my therapist. Maybe she can help me figure out how I'm suppose to feel.

PRESENT Well this morning I will lay in a big old machine and it will scan my body. Hopefully it will show that the bones are clean. I hope that the medicine they are using on me now. The thought of going on to something else is sickening to me. I want so much that I can just go on about my life with out the fear of dying. I'm actually starting to enjoy being surrounded by family, friends, and my dog. I still miss Mike and always will. Please give me steanghth for the rest of the week.