Fun

Now that's a word that is really trying to stay out of my life. It's memorial weekend and have to say pretty boring from my past life. You know the one that Mike was in. After all it was our wedding anniversary weekend. We would always make plans to have a BBQ and enjoy friends and family. So what am I doing now, well I'm doing a really good job of not scratching myself. Yeah hives come and go and stress me out a bit. The weather is beautiful and here I sit. Son of a bitch. My dog is even depressed something has to improve.

Really

So as you know I received the blood. Woke up on Tuesdays felt great walked Penny around neighborhood. Was able to do two weeks of chores that day. Wednesday wake up feel great again. Took Penny on our hike in Queeny park. Felt a little tired, but understandable. Had my mom, Alex, and my girlfriend Debbie over for dinner.. Everything went great. Thursday came and went to my writing class from 11-1. Enjoyed that time felt a little itchy. Afterwards arrived a my sisters luncheon had fun yacking with all the girls. I started noticing I was very itchy. Asked Alex to look at my back. Sure enough I was getting hives. Put a call into doctor was told to take Benadryl so I did. Next morning I was more covered in hives. Called doctor again nurse put me on steroids. Now covered  in hives called hospital this morning to ask ER if I should come in. Got off the phone with them and was about to call doctors exchange, I guess I was so tired fell back asleep. I'll keep hoping the steroids kick in.  My point is I would really like to catch a break. Two steps forward not four steps back.

Vampire

Got up this morning tired as ever. Made myself some breakfast and headed to the hospital. The things you have to go through to get a couple of units of blood. Next time maybe I should make my way into the night and do what the vampires do! Anyway it took four hours to receive my transfusion and it was well worth it. It has been four hours since I left the hospital and I'm already fella so much better. Why did they make me go through five months of anemia before they would ok the transfusion. Are the blood banks that low? If so would all you people out there that have great healthy blood give a little. I know I would appreciate your kindness. Tomorrow I'm going to attempt the hike with Penny weather permitting.  Chow for now.

So a Friday I spent the day at the cancer center. Always a fun thing to do. Alex did stay with me. They pumped me full of fluids. Tested my blood. Received a ct scan. Monday I will get a blood transfusion hopefully more energy. Give me some great athlete please. I will also get the results from the scan. Pray for them to be clear of any new activity. On a brighter note faced time with Georgia and Walker this morning that's enough to put a smile on my face all day. I'm trying to figure out why I can't post pics to my blog. I'll have to get Bobby on that. Not hiking yet but maybe next week. Hopefully.

New day

Starting to feel like my normal self. Can't wait for my coffee and for it to dry up here so I can get back to hiking. I love days where they start off right let's hope it continues. I miss my grand kids had so much fun while they where here. In fact I'm reconnected with a couple of my brothers I don't see or hear from that often. Shouldn't be that way but it does. I really think I'm on the road to recovery. Hopefully a little more social. Get out way more.

Confused

Another day goes by don't feel great. I'm very tired. If this is my decline I would like to know. Most stage IV cancer patience don't get to the five year mark after being diagnosed. January 10th 2010 was my day so were do I stand? Am I being kept around for a purpose I just can't figure out? When I feel great these thoughts don't even phase me. It's now when I probably only have a simple virus that I question my mortality. Not much different than dead man walking. I would drink myself silly, but I don't even enjoy drinking anymore. I don't take drugs to make me feel better. I might get high but can't stand smoke. I would eat weed unfortunately I'm not crazy about the body high. Hopefully when the virus goes away I can laugh again. Still need to write that letter to myself.

Crap

Still sick this really sucks. I did get a Zpak today so should feel better in a few days. The weather is unbelievable nice. I've missed out on about two weeks worth of hiking. I've done a really good job of getting the garden done. Hope I can reep what I sew. My writing classes are going very well. After I finish here the assignment is to write a letter to myself. That could be difficult. I might have to wait a day or two so I can enjoy a glass of wine.

Visit from the kids

Jenni , Jeff , Georgia ,and Walker came down to St. Louis this past week. I should have had a great time. Everything went well the babies were extra special open and friendly to everyone. Unfortunately  I was sick first the anemia got me down the allergies then some stupid virus. I'm just know getting over I hope.. You don't know how much sickness's like those can knock a cancer patient for a loop. I tried like it didn't bother me but fatigue is a bitch.
I love those little ones they are so adorable. The memory of my own children comes back with great pride. Mike and I struggled a lot but who really cares. We had such beautiful memories with all our children. I think what ever challenges my kids have with their own children they will all still be great memories..
Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful moms out there..