Confused

Another day goes by don't feel great. I'm very tired. If this is my decline I would like to know. Most stage IV cancer patience don't get to the five year mark after being diagnosed. January 10th 2010 was my day so were do I stand? Am I being kept around for a purpose I just can't figure out? When I feel great these thoughts don't even phase me. It's now when I probably only have a simple virus that I question my mortality. Not much different than dead man walking. I would drink myself silly, but I don't even enjoy drinking anymore. I don't take drugs to make me feel better. I might get high but can't stand smoke. I would eat weed unfortunately I'm not crazy about the body high. Hopefully when the virus goes away I can laugh again. Still need to write that letter to myself.