I had a great day yesterday. Put everything a side, I joined friends and went glass blowing something I had never done before. It was fun and challenging. I made a glass pumpkin like Cinderella rode in to meet her prince. Then the girls met me in a very cool Mexican restaurant for margaritas, great food and a lot of laughs. It was good to put everything behind me.

I woke up this morning evaluating my day. Still in pain and nauseated. I know in an hour I have to put my head in a cone, emerge myself in a tube and listen to a machine nuke me like a micro wave. What could I possibly due the rest of the day to make me feel better? Can't hike with Penny because my back and right arm are killing me. Can't mow my lawn. Have a hard time cleaning my house. That I would even enjoy. It's funny how people react to you as a miracle that you lived so long with this disease. The radio tech yesterday was amazed. Why does this not give me reassurance that I'm going to live a lot longer. BLAH

I was mistaken on my condition. I had a CT scan not an MRI.  My doctor looked out and it and let me know that was normal for someone my age to have mild lumbar perforation. The problem I have was around the thoracic back area.  He ordered an MRI on my neck and back which I went through today. Two hours in a f*cking coffin that screams at you. I can't even fathom being buried alive. That two hours was hell. Guess what tomorrow morning I have a brain MRI. I can't wait! The worst part of it all I have no partner to hold my hand. It's a lonely hole I have entered and there is no way out. It's no one fault, but it doesn't change the fact it's hell.

I was able to get through the rest of the week. I the kids birthday we had a full day. Breakfast out then on to the Butterfly house. From there a nap then Jenni and I took the kids to a carnival. Walker thought it was his birthday party. I rode a child's roller coaster with Georgia which I probably shouldn't have done. The next day I was in great pain. By Saturday night I ended up in the ER with severe back pain. They did an MRI on my back to check for any fractures. No fractures but my back is slowly detereating. I see my oncologist tomorrow. In my world it's very scary to have to make an unscheduled appointment with your doctor.. The kids and Jenni are gone and sometimes it's easier to face things by myself. I don't have to see the disappointment on anyone else's face. Due for another pain killer. Right now I don't miss a dose.

Spent the day with my grandchildren. Had a blast. Then made spaghetti and meatballs for everyone which filled everyone with big smiles and stomachs. It's moments like these that makes living worth wild. I'm spent and ready to say goodnight. Tomorrow the kids turn three. Another big day.

So let's see. I decided I couldn't wait any longer and went to see my doctor yesterday. For some reason every time I would get up from sitting I would get dizzy. Normally a few cocktails would do that to me. No this was something different. They drew my blood nothing to out of the ordinary popped up. So he ordered a brain MRI. I get that on the 23rd. I was telling him that I thought I might have a heart murmur. He ignored me in a way. Then told me I had bigger worries than that. Hello. Haven't I've known that for over the last five years? Dah I've been pretty good that in January I'll have survived six years. Not many people can say that unfortunately.
Well I still mow the lawn. Hike five miles when I have time and eat very healthy. I did ask him why I have burning shooting pain in my arms. He told me it was narathopy from the chemo.  Well I didn't tell him that a couple hits of weed takes the pain away.  To be honest he probably doesn't know what to do next.
My daughter and grandchildren are coming tomorrow. Even though right now I kind of over did it today. I will be ready tomorrow for them.  They will be three on Friday time for a party.