MOMENTS

I know now I am being tested. Everyday from here on out it is going to be a test of my patients, strength, and composure. So far I am having trouble with my composure. I will take one day at a time, and try to understand I can only do what I am capable of. I hope God gives me the strength to never give up on hope. Please say a prayer for Mike. I still believe in miracles as he has showed me in the past they are out there.

MOMENTS

Every time I take one step forward I am pushed back five. Yesterday was hell, Mike spent the day at the doctors again yesterday. We were there from 10:00 to 4:00. As the hours went on it only got worse. We came home in silence. Yesterday I also found out that my older sister Cindy was diagnosed with what I have. We all know what that means. So I opened a bottle of wine to cry in and passed out after a couple of glasses. Today Mike received a couple more units of blood, because his body can not keep up with the blood the cancer is taking. We are still planning to go to Napa this weekend to make great memories. I will make sure of it.

PRESENT

I have decided to become more productive, starting today. After I get off the blog I intend to get on the treadmill. I haven't done much of anything since January. The only benefit of cancer was I lost 20 lbs and I don't want to put that back on. Then tomorrow I might paint a room so it will be easier to sell the house when it comes time. Probably at the end of August. We will just have to see. I still need to go car shopping which I hate with a Passion. I can't afford something I really want so it really comes down to getting a car that is reliable. Mike I think is turning the wrong direction again. I don't get it he is eating well, but doesn't really want to do much else. I think he needs more mind stimulation. I just have to push to get him out more.

PAST

Things were starting to get into a normal swing by late fall. I liked the teachers the kids have and Alex was slowly making new friends. We were spending time on the house, landscaping, and putting in the pool. We started to meet the neighbors. I joined a Bunco group, which I swore I would never do. Those 12 women took me a long way. Every month I looked forward with being with 12 women eating, drinking, and entertaining. Something I knew I was very good at. Yes the first year was starting off very well. Jenni was taking care of things back in LA, and I was becoming a nurturing mother who knew. Mike was growing WGAuthentic and was looked at with a lot of respect. He was trustworthy, honest, and dependable. We were attending all the Coyote Hockey games. Our social life was flourishing in Phoenix. We were smiling and having a good time once more.

MOMENTS

I woke up this morning fairly early. I ate a bowl of cereal, went back to bed slept a couple hours got up ate a couple of biscuits went back to bed a just got up at 12:30. Who does that do I have some kind of sleeping disease. Maybe I am that bored. The world soccer game against USA and Ghana is on this is boring. And that constant busing would drive any one mad. I met Melinda for a cocktail it was her birthday yesterday. Maybe even one glass a wine takes it's toll on me. I better stay clean.

PRESENT

Jessica Bittner might have told me she is married now or that I am a happily married women. So confused. Went car hunting today my least favorite thing to do in the whole world. Didn't buy anything I will try again on Saturday, Mike has to come with me. It is way to confusing.Sometimes I can feel my bones crutching and it bothers me. They need to super glue me.

PRESENT

Mike is doing well today. I myself decided to go out with my girlfriend Elizabeth for happy hour. I really enjoyed doing something I hadn't done for a long time. The bartender was a drip. I really feel bartenders should not be drips. They need to talk to people like your entering their home. They would make a lot more money for sure. Anyway the company was good. I do know this though no way in hell would I want to be single. It looks absolutely boring. I guess that's why we went for chocolate afterwards. Now that was great.

PRESENT

Fathers Day was a good day for all. Mike enjoyed watching the golf and the rest of us swam and played games. Yesterday he was tired, but he did go to work and did so today. It is good to keep your mind stimulated. It tires him out, but in a good way. It also gives me a chance to do my own thing. He does need to get a good nights sleep which it doesn't seem to be happening.

PAST

The going away parties started and seem to go on forever. It made it hard to leave, but we did gradually. I still had weddings back in LA to take care of and that would last until the end of summer. Alex and Bobby were about to change their lives with a new school. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. Bobby made friends on the first day. Alex was a different story. Alex was and has always been so sweet. The girls at the new middle school were not so sweet. She cried on a daily basis. Me being back in LA was a nightmare. I never knew how cruel girls could be. I had also told my kids never to use their uncle Wayne as leverage. Well about 3 weeks of being shunned was long enough for me. I figured if she couldn't make friends with the girls, become friends with the boys the girls would come around later. In other words pull out the big guns. Tell the boys she was Wayne Gretzky's niece. It is amazing how one can become popular through association. The girls came soon after. We were on track to a new life.

MOMENTS

We are headed to Greg's for the Father's Day BBQ. I think we will all have a great time, with good food and drink. We will swim and play games if Greg has anything to do with it. So Happy Father's Day to all you great fathers out there. Remember being with your kids is the best gift you can receive.

Moments

Mike has come a long way in the last 3 weeks. I really feel his mind has started fighting again. The last 3 days it is like night and day. He is eating and enjoying his mom and brother. If he keeps going in this direction I think I will have my old Mike back. Positive energy is a great thing. We are also going to start him on apricot kernels and B17 today. Oh by the way it is great that he gets to spend Fathers Day tomorrow with his kids all of them.

Moments

MOMENTS

Starting my day early. Mike's mom and brother are coming today. I just wanted to thank Monli for taking me to Hawaii a couple of weeks ago. It was relaxing and fun. We talked and enjoyed not doing anything but enjoying the ocean, eating and drinking. Talking about old times friends and family. I also want to thank my friends, Donna, Larry, Arthur, Mimi, Doug, Jeff, and Toni for taking us out to dinner down at the Malibu Pier. It was good to laugh and enjoy their company. I don't think they know how much that meant to Mike and I. I want to share some pics of the fun from both.

PRESENT

I have been researching alternative medicine. I read that apricot kernels help kill cancer. I ordered 2lbs of them and B17 to get started. They should be here in the next couple of days and I will get Mike started on them. He is starting to eat again, and Bobby has him doing light hand weights to build his muscle back up. His mother and brother are coming to visit tomorrow. I hope his mother is prepared for what she is going to see.

PAST

I remember coming over and buying the house in Arizona. It was so hot and all of us came. Mike and I went out with a real estate women and left the Bobby and Alex back with Jenni at the hotel. The day was long, but at the very end we pulled up to these 4 model homes that looked like mansions. 4,000 sq. ft. and a half an acre. They were so cheap compared to California. I wrote a check for 20,000 dollars right then and there without thinking twice. We went back to the hotel and surprised the kids. The news didn't go over as well as I thought that it would. Everyone one was mad. I really thought it was going to be easier. The good thing was the house was going to take a 11 months to build. 11 months to convince the kids this was the best decision ever. They would to realize that for themselves. August of 2002 we would move, but that year took a lot of planning. It was one of the best years of our lives.

MOMENTS

Great time with good friends and family!







PRESENT

Everyday the reaper keeps getting closer. I am fighting all I can to keep Mike alive. I beg God just give me another year. Bobby would be more settled, Alex would be in school, and Jenni and Jeff would know more about there future. I know he has given me the last 4 years, but he also put a limit on my time. I know it sounds like I'm whining, but I'm not ready. Last weekend we got to spend time with old neighbors which was very special. The week before another set of friends. We have been so blessed. Mike told me tonight that on the way home from dinner he and Bobby took a separate car. He told his dad he needed him more than ever right now. It broke my heart. I am trying to find a way to make his days pleasurable, but I really don't know what to do. I do want to thank the people that have left comments. It really fills my heart. For the two friends that passed away this past weekend I am so sorry for your family and friends they were two great men. My heart goes out to they're loved one's and there beautiful children. I have no words of wisdom. Life is to short.

MOMENTS

Mike and I had treatment today. Mike had to have two IV bags of fluids because of dehydration. Alex came home and saw her father for the first time in a long time. I think it was quite a shock to see him so frail and drawn. It is so nice to have her home. We have a big weekend in front of us. Jenni has been working hard to get it ready for the Bittner's and the Huerta's tomorrow. I am kind of sick from the treatment so I'm going to bed.

MOMENTS

I am having a very hard time coming home to reality. Mike seems to be getting worse and I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to see what life use to be without the cancer. I have to face this is my life now and I hate everything about it. I now realize that we are running from the reaper. The only thing is I can still run but, Mike not so much. Being with my friends and family was so special to me. I want everyone to know I miss them very much and I feel so out of touch. Please be patient with me I am going through a very rough time.

MOMENTS

I just pulled into the house from being gone for the last week. I just want everyone to know I have so much to talk about, but I need to go to a conference for Bobby tonight and get unpacked and get a good nights sleep. Then I will start blogging about what a great time I had. THANK GOD I HAVE SOMETHING OTHER TO TALK ABOUT BESIDES CANCER.