Present

Days are getting harder and it makes me angry. I don't want to dwell in the past, but I see Mike in my mind everywhere. I don't want to play cards anymore. I am always dealt such a difficult hand. One side of my brain says you can handle this mess. While the other side says fold. I am literally being eaten up inside. It's a gnawing ache and no matter what I do I can't get rid of it I can't. I call it " it" because I don't know what "it" is. My head says, run hard run fast, get away. My body says your to old to run, you just don't have what it takes. I wish someone could help, but I know I am going to have to figure out myself. Really I thought I was much stronger. I would tell at the end, Mike don't worry I will be fine. I lied to him, because I'm not. I really wanted to make my blog more up lifting sorry not right now. Mike please tell me you didn't take all the good away. I just want to know your alright. I miss coming into the room your in and you looking at me with such love in your eyes, knowing you thought I was the most beautiful girl you had ever laid eyes upon. It felt like no one else was in the room. Just you and I. How does one move on from having that to look forward to? Damn the fact I miss you so much.