PRESENT

Each day that goes by I loss a little piece of me. I find myself wanting to disconnect with friends and family. Maybe it's because Mike's birthday is coming up and he isn't here to celebrate turning 53. He will never be 53, but I am and what is that. Things are really starting to run through my head. I want my kids to live there own lives and stop worrying about me. I am growing old of my surroundings, and I will defiantly leave soon. I thought that I needed some kind of root and for all my life my mom has been my deepest root. I could always go home. She is still my root, but she depends on my sister, so she really can't be there for me anymore. She does give me comfort when I'm at my deepest low. See she lost her husband at 57.I feel she knows how hard it is to loose your best friend and partner in life. Luckily she had a lot of children and grandchildren around her. My sister Janet has taken really good care of her too. I don't think I ever told Janet how grateful I am for that, but I am. My children are very supportive too, but it is not my attention to be dependent on them. I have lived so long as a survivor it is hard to be anything else. I want them to have great memories of their own that will last a life time. I have an idea of what I'm going to do. It may just shock a few people even me.