PRESENT

I wish I could say that my trip was a good one. I enjoyed up until Thursday. I did love hanging out with my friends. Really it's never a dull moment. When you feel good take advantage of all you can. Why you ask? One day your not going to feel so good and your going to ask yourself why you didn't push yourself a little bit more. I have been really trying to move on the last year or so and I was doing pretty well I thought. Until my two steps forward put me ten steps back. The drug I was on to keep the cancer at bay stopped working. Yes you heard me correctly the cancer raised it's creepy little head up and jumped back into action. Now I've been shot up with a new cocktail that is kicking my butt. I hope it is doing the same to the cancer. I've have been miserable ever since the injections on Friday. Maybe I will feel well tomorrow. I sure as hell hope so.

PAST

I remember a post I did when Mike was alive and fighting for his life. He was given a new drug that made him so sore and flu feeling. I understand now how he felt. He was always so pleasant and brave when something new was presented to him. Never complained much just took it. Why on earth did he not share with me more. I would have held him more, I would have listened. I would have let him cry. Sometimes my guilt overwhelms me, or is it that I just want him here to hold my hand? I miss his laughter. My mom once said he laughed like my Dad I miss him too.