Dublin

We have been in Ireland a few days and I have to say it's been great. The shot they gave me has helped me quite a lot. The flight over wasn't horrible. Although how can people sleep on planes if your not in first class. Totally impossible. So after checking into hotel we spent the afternoon sleeping. We then proceeded to go for a very nice dinner at a place called the bank. Yesterday around 3:00 in the afternoon we met a guy Alex met from the night before David at the Jameson distillery. I found it very historical and we all had a blast. We then decided to hit an old Irish Pub with music galore. The beer never stopped flowing and the people never stopped partying. Got home really late so unfortunately made today a bit of a wash. Now it's around 5 pm and we might go on a ghost tour tonight. We will see.

New drug

Yes trying out a new drug on me to help raise my RBC. Really enjoyed getting that shot in my stomach. Hopefully I won't get any of the side effects that they had me sign off on. One of them that it could make my tumors worse. Though chemo kills too. Spent today getting the electronics ready for the trip. The house is starting to look like a packing zone. Day after tomorrow. Can't wait.

Head trip

So today I'm going to put yesterday out of my head and focus on today. Getting ready to stain the shingles on my house. I'm not looking forward to doing that but it is one step forward. Like putting the house in a living trust so it doesn't go into probate. I did that the other day. Makes you think a lot about your mortality. Something you don't any think of until your in you mid to late forties. So up and running.

Denied

Today I was devastated today when I was told that I couldn't have a blood transfusion because my numbers weren't low enough to be severe. All of you that are out there that have ever been anemic due to low red blood cell count you understand the pain it can put you through. It physically fatigues your body. To walk up the hill and breath so hard that your heart beats so fast it feels like it is going to be ripped out of your chest. Your muscles burn like a furnace. Then depression sets in because you know it's out of your control. So why is it you have to wait until it's to painful to get out of bed. I'm about to get on a 11hour flight which is hard enough for a normal person. Then I'm going to a foreign country. What a f**ked up system. I luckily had a therapy session this afternoon and after crying my eyes out she made me focuss on the important parts of my life. I still have a future with my greatest gifts God has given me my children. My rational side of my brain is fighting with the irrational side of my brain. I need to stop the madness and enjoy the ride. I know days are going to be grueling and maybe if I can relax I will have great days.  Sorry got carried away. Maybe if I can get a good nights sleep I can go back to getting ready for my amazing trip. Oh I forgot to tell you Jenni, Georgia, Walker, and Duke the golden retriever made it to Linkoping Sweden today. Jeff was there to greet them with all his love.

new blog

Alex is in the process of creating a blog for our Europe trip. The blog name is
www.ohtheplaceswellsee.blogspot.com
So hopefully any one that wants to check it out will. We are so looking forward to the next month of travels. I have been feeling a bit weak, so tomorrow I will see about a transfusion. Just getting all the details done has been quite a task. Planes, trains and other transportation is now checked off the list. the hotels are now checked off the list. Time lines are now checked off the list. Penny's accommodations now checked off list. The list goes on so I won't bore you with that. I haven't been able to post pics for you lately so let's give it a try.

Saturday

It's one week before Alex and I leave for Ireland. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I was hoping to get another blood transfusion before I left. It's kind of a catch 22. They aren't quite low enough to receive one,but on the other hand they are still going down. What if they rapidly drop when I'm in Europe? I wouldn't know how to go about getting one. Also the cost could be quite high. I don't want to be tired this trip is very active and I want to keep up with Alex. Plus at the end of the trip I see my grandkids. Want to be up and going for them. I might be paranoid? I've already been there and knows how it feels. God I can only pray you help me out here. Still managing to walk Penny 5 miles so off I go.

Alcohol

I went out the other night with friends of mine Darren and Lynn Pang. We had a great time drinking, laughing, and eating. Isn't that what makes life fun. You would think. The next day my body didn't react well. I didn't have a hangover. I had  extreme fatigue. My body had a burning sensation and all I wanted to do was sleep. New lesson in new world of cancer. Alcohol doesn't mix well. Today is a new day feel great. I will walk the dog and enjoy the great outdoors. It was a good lesson for my upcoming trip to Europe. Stay clean and healthy.

9/11

I woke up today and my first instinct was to turn on the news. I just wanted to make sure life as we know it was ok. The media anymore makes us feel so vulnerable. I hate what the middle is going through it is awful. Hopefully peace will come to all. Today I'm going to keep myself as busy as I can so I can show life goes on.

Happiness

I have found that I have to stop trying to figure out what makes people happy. I think I'm doing the right thing, but in my world what ever move I make effects someone negatively. At times I wish I could be more like my mom. She has lived 35 years without someone she could vent to or share her feelings. Someone that would hold her when things were tough. I wish I didn't show my emotions on my sleeve. I suppose then I could never disappoint anyone. Life, I guess would be easier. Maybe if I had a Lobotomy it would suppress my emotions. Who am I kidding. All I can do from here on out is smile.

Europe

Doing well so big news. I'm taking Alex for a month across Europe. Dublin to Sweden. Planes trains and automobiles. Yeah. We are going to set up a video blog for those of you who want to follow. Starting the the 27th of September.  Stay tuned.

Bad days

I was so happy my son Bobby came home from college this weekend. I had been suffering from panack attacks or anxiety for the last couple of weeks. He always fills my heart back up. Unfortunately will he was here one of his best friends overdosed on heroin. My son was crushed. He has lost so many friends to heroin and suicide it breaks my heart. To hold such a big strong boy in my arms when he weeps is heart renching. So sad.