Denied

Today I was devastated today when I was told that I couldn't have a blood transfusion because my numbers weren't low enough to be severe. All of you that are out there that have ever been anemic due to low red blood cell count you understand the pain it can put you through. It physically fatigues your body. To walk up the hill and breath so hard that your heart beats so fast it feels like it is going to be ripped out of your chest. Your muscles burn like a furnace. Then depression sets in because you know it's out of your control. So why is it you have to wait until it's to painful to get out of bed. I'm about to get on a 11hour flight which is hard enough for a normal person. Then I'm going to a foreign country. What a f**ked up system. I luckily had a therapy session this afternoon and after crying my eyes out she made me focuss on the important parts of my life. I still have a future with my greatest gifts God has given me my children. My rational side of my brain is fighting with the irrational side of my brain. I need to stop the madness and enjoy the ride. I know days are going to be grueling and maybe if I can relax I will have great days.  Sorry got carried away. Maybe if I can get a good nights sleep I can go back to getting ready for my amazing trip. Oh I forgot to tell you Jenni, Georgia, Walker, and Duke the golden retriever made it to Linkoping Sweden today. Jeff was there to greet them with all his love.