PRESENT

Every time I think I am on the high road I hit a pot hole. Talking to my daughter, Alex, today she was telling me she didn't feel good. She had some abnormal cells in her last pap smear. I think this is pretty normal, for a young girl, so they did a biopsy, but after telling me about her biopsy I fell into instant despair. All I could think was, God don't do this to me don't do this to us. Please just leave us alone. I pray with all my heart that she is fine. The doctors don't seem to be worried so why should I. Who am I lying to, they were never worried about me either. I am having such a hard time getting my family put back together. I feel like such a failure, and I know everyone would say differently, but that doesn't change the way I feel. How could someone so strong be falling so apart. I think I will go outside and lay in the sun, it always makes me feel better.

PAST

When the a commercial came on the TV about the Avon 3 day walk Mike and I agreed together that we would participate in it. We would walk from Santa Barbara to Malibu a 60 mile walk in 3 days. We went to the meetings for fundraising. We were all excited and knew this would be good for us to put our lives back together. One thing lead to another when newspaper and TV news stations starting calling. They liked the idea of a young husband and a two time breast cancer survivor walking together to bring awareness to this horrible disease. We learned so much from walking for ourselves and what other people were sacrificing in fighting cancer. We laughed and we cried. We were touched by other cancer victims and we touched other victims. When people gather for something so emotional so much love is brought out. It was 3 days that neither Mike or I will forget. My kids were so young and I was fighting so hard to always be there for them. It was away for us to move on with our lives and move past cancer. So we thought.