Present

So you know how I wished it was sunny and 70 out. I wake up and there it is. Spring I love it. Unfortunetly Penny took off this morning and led me on a 45 minute chase to retrieve her. Now I'm in pretty good shape but that dog is like running after an Olympic triathlon. Over hills down reveanes and into water. Needless to say we both came back muddy and tired. This weekend is St. Patrick's Day. It has always been my favorite holiday. It is extra special for the fact it was the day I met Mike so many years ago. To be honest I can remember it like as if it were yesterday. I still like to do something special on that day and I will. Just not chase after Penny.

Present

Hello what a great morning. It could only be better if the sun was shining and the temperature was around 70 degrees. I had a date last night with a very nice man. He seemed very genuine. We had a lovely dinner at a small Italian restaurant that I'm friends with the owner. Apt 2 in kirkwood excellent food and atmosphere. We talked we laughed ate and drank. The evening ended nicely without any presumptions. I am pretty sure he will ask me out again, but you never know. Like I said before I'm just trying to live in the present not the past. I always have my children in mind when I make my choices. I also suppose Mike has a hand in the decisions I make too. Really how could he not. For those of you who have lost someone dear to you, don't you always feel that they never completely leave. Time does pass and you except things a little easier. Like I said in the past I'm not angry anymore. Not with my health, not with my love, and not with myself. Life is very good to me. I have a beautiful homey home. I have three incredible children that are independent and trustworthy. Now I have two amazingly funny full of life gorgeous grandchildren. That are lucky enough to have a great family surrounding them. I'm going to see them next week. I'll send pictures. It's been a while since I've done that.
I would just like to give a big hug to an amazing, kind, gentle, women who helped me survive Mikes passing. She too has been struck with breast cancer and has gone through surgery. Connie my love thoughts and prayers go out to you and your children. Love you much.

Present

Just got back from the doctor. I receive a shot once a month in my stomach. I don't really know what it is called, but it helps rebuild the bones. I can't tell you most of the drugs I take. I just take them to stay alive. So far they have been doing the job and that is all I care about. It's been raining here for the last couple of days which  makes for one to be lazy. One thing about living on the west coast compared to the Midwest is time tends to drag here am lustily. I try to read more, unfortunately I have a wondering not focused  mind. I will reveal something about myself. My memory is very choosy as in sometimes I don't remember sections of my past at all. Mostly the times in my late teens and my early twenties. Someone from my past that I dated for a few months, when I was around nineteen, inquired about me. As much as I would like to jar my memory, I absolutely don't remember. He indicates that we were quite close. I'm embarrassed in thinking I don't remember. What is wrong with me that those years of my life are so vague. It's funny that  I can remember my childhood very well. Growing up with neighborhood friends and brothers, sisters. Playing until it was dark outside. Only to be forced to come inside. This is all very clear.  I don't understand my mind. Half the time I don't understand anything. I guess I'm not very logical, but is anyone really. Have to run taking my niece and nephew to see the new movie The Great and Powerful Oz. taking in a little fantasy world.

The weekend was an interesting one for me. Met up with friends on Friday. I'm starting to meet new friends which one can never be short. I met a very nice gentleman who also had lost his partner. I've never been thrilled about the term widow and widower. He is my age and I think I will go to dinner with him this week. I suppose it's time. It will be nice to have a male to talk to. It doesn't mean I don't think of Mike it just means I'm not angry with him anymore for leaving me.

Today was great. Had my hair done. Had a terrific time at lunch with my niece Jamie and her son Ford. Got home received money from a rebate in the mail. Had an unexpected visitor stop by with a bottle of wine. Thanks Allen and shortly after he left my new neighbor came by with a bottle of wine and brownies. Life is good in so many ways. Even if I will need to make sure I don't gain weight. Now I need to get going and walk the dog. Still cold here but is sunny. Can't wait till spring. I have put daffodils and tulips in the house to push it faster.

Here I am.

It's been a while. Yes I'm still here and doing fairly well. I still am fighting my cancer. You know tricking the little bugger into not killing me. I'm in my home and enjoying the freedom of having your own place to call home. I have my dog Penny back from my daughter Alex who still lives in Minnesota. I'll leave this month for a couple of weeks to visit my daughter Jenni her husband Jeff and the twins Walker and Georgia. They are such a beautiful family and I cherish my relationship with them. My son was able to come home from Michigan for the last 5 days. I love my time I spend with Bobby. He sometimes gives me little glimpse of the wonderful life I had with Mike. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him and the love we had for each other. I have tried so many things to fill the gap of his loss. It is a battle I will never be able to do. He is such a large presence in our lives that can never be replaced. I have said to myself stop trying, just live in the present. I really don't know if anyone follows my blog but I write for my own self being. So if I can help anyone else get through a day I'm happy.