PRESENT

Yesterday was an absolute bitch. I had the garbage disposal man coming in to replace the disposal. Then I had the movers coming to take away half my home interior to be auctioned. That is so Mike and I are ready more for when we decide to sell in the next couple of months. You really don't realize how much one accumulates in 8 years in 4000 square feet. My sister Debbie was here to do 95% of the job she is unbelievable. The movers were great 2 guys super nice. My pain patch had worn off, I forgot to change it the day before and my back and ribs were in excruciating pain. Mike was still bed ridden. Several times I broke down into uncontrollable sobbing. I think it was a combination pain and having my life hauled away. Debbie Talked me off the wall several times and sent me to my room to lie down. Jenni and I are one step closer to selling the store. That will be a little bitter sweet. Today was better I got Bobby to clean out the trash in the garage and clean his room. Goodwill has been benefiting from us quite a bit. The Kentucky Derby is about to race I think I will root for Ice Box. We will see.

PAST

I was at Janet and Wayne's house. Mike was playing golf with Wayne, John (a friend from St. Louis), and Peter Berg. I remember so well. Janet and Debbie(John's fiance) were upstairs, because Janet wasn't feeling well. I was downstairs and was on the phone behind the bar. The sound in a doctors voice is always the way to know weather you are getting bad news or good. Dr. A my general surgeon's voice was weak. Jeanette I am so sorry he would put it, but I regret to tell you it's breast cancer again. He was in tears I think, I would convince him it was OK that I had gone down this road before and I could easily go down it again. I stood there for a while stunned, but not surprised. I simply grabbed the best scotch and calmly fixed myself a cocktail, took a big swig and headed to the country club. You rehearse over and over in your head how your going to handle breaking the news to the most important person in your life. My girlfriend Debbie drove me up to the club where we were going to meet the boys for a drink after they had played 18. I was calm and cool. We sat there and chatted about there round of golf. They joked about their day. I was patient. They talked about playing another 9 holes. I mentioned to Mike that we needed to discuss some things. What could be more important than another 9 holes Peter would say. I told him it was doctor stuff. He reminded me that he played a doctor on St. Elsewhere and he probably knew the answer or had good advice. That's when I blurted out that I had cancer again. Silence, I broke the ice by saying, OK to another 9 holes, but I got to drive the cart and drinks were on him. And away we went, we would deal with the other later.