PRESENT

Outside I had the feeling of helplessness in my iron mask, really plastic, I would close my eyes and imagine myself dancing with Mike or playing on a beach. It was hard, but it really was the only way to get through the 45 minutes. It wasn't until the chemicals I was taking started to get to me that I really thought I was losing my mind. I would drive myself to treatment and I didn't mind it gave me a chance to think. It was the nausea that I couldn't handle and the pain didn't help. About the 3rd week into treatment I truly felt I was started losing my mind. I had to push myself to go. I also had to force myself to take my pill. Nothing was giving me pleasure only pain or sickness. It won't be long when I start to lose my mind.

PAST

The years that followed had there ups and downs. My treatments had there faults and reactions,but I got through it, I was young and very positive. Mike took a job with my brother-in-law Wayne out in California and I was thrilled. We started living a very exciting life. We were around famous people and friends all the time. We would take trips with Janet and Wayne. We would attend events most people would only dream of. We still struggled with money, but we didn't care. Our girls had plenty of friends and loved school. Friends and family visited often. We entertained and enjoyed friends at our home. We didn't think anything could ruin our world. I went back to work selling cars for a short period of time, that was not my thing at all, and Alex hated daycare so I quit.We lived 10 minutes from Malibu and would drive down to have breakfast or a nice dinner. We loved driving up to Santa Barbara on the weekends,we couldn't have been happier. Count your blessings for they are short lived.