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PRESENT

January 10, 2010 I got hit by the bus for the third time. Results from my first ct scans came back. The following week my world would come to a screeching halt. Everyday the results became worse and worse. It was a Thursday night when the bone scan results came back. My husband picked up the results at the hospital, sitting in his car reading them, stunned he called his oncologist to understand what he was reading. I was waiting in bed upstairs due to a headache. He came in so defeated and confused. I asked him if he had received the results. His response was only "it's bad Jeanette it's really bad". Shrugging him off I said "oh for Gods sake how bad can it be". I demanded to read the results myself. The tumors started in the cranium down the spine across the ribs in both pelvis's and in the left femur. "Oh shit, how did it get this bad so quickly was my response." I looked in the eye's of the man who was always so strong and saw defeat. " Hey are you hungry, because I am really hungry and I want some really good food and a great bottle of wine" I said and away we went. We could deal with this mess tomorrow, tonight was a night not to think about anything but each other. We actually had a great night of friends and laughter. There was plenty of time for tears later.

PAST

In 1987 The Princess Bride came out in the theaters. I sat in the movie with a relationship I was in. Living with a very nice man, I didn't love, had nothing in common with, and wished I could enter the movie, and find my own Wesley. Someone I could have true love with just like princess Buttercup. I felt hopeless all my life wanting to run away. That was what I did best, run away. Maybe it had to do with my childhood. You see ever since I was a child my father was cheating death. In his late 30s he was diagnosed with Kidney cancer. He was only given 36 hours to live when they first took him in, he lived to be 57. I always had that fear that if you didn't run fast enough the reaper was going to get you. If I didn't like what was going on in my life I would just run. When my father died I ran from my emotions. When my father was alive we didn't get along. That really was an understatement we fought screamed and butted heads. I was wild and in trouble a lot. There were times I thought I hate him for not understanding me. The truth is I loved him more than my life. I to this day miss and think of him everyday. How dare he leave me when I needed him the most. I was 19 and so naive. It didn't take me long to start screwing up. At 21 I got pregnant and married the first man I didn't love. The great thing was that I was given the most beautiful daughter. She filled the gap my father had left. It took me no time to run away from that marriage it was my first anniversary when I took off. With 20 dollars in my pocket and baby a toe I headed for California. I was free again. Over the following years I would run back and forth from St. Louis to California. If a relationship got to close I would leave. I believe I did that about 7 times. My running was about to stop with a trip back to St. Louis over the Christmas holidays in 87. My sister had a Christmas party and invited Mike. He showed up and there it was, the look the eyes. We connected immediately and by New Years day his cousin was trying to get us to go to Vegas to get married. I had quite a few things to clean up in California. I had to break the heart of a man I had respected for so long, unfortunately I was not in love with him and hadn't been for a very long time. God Bless him for taking care of me for awhile, he taught me a lot. Good news was I found my Wesley and we were to be married in May. Life was looking good.